Episode 59: The 4 Biggest Lies That Most Private School Leaders Believe

Episode 59 Show Notes


The 4 Biggest Lies That Most Private School Leaders Believe

  • I’ll be fine.
  • My family will be fine.
  • I can outwork any problem.
  • I guess this is just how it is.

LIE # 1: I’ll be fine.


Lack of perspective

  • Focused on the present
  • Not focused on the long term impact of the stress of the job
  • Physical health, mental health


Invincibility Mindset

  • Forgetting that you are a human being and not a robot
  • You can handle ANYTHING that the job throws at you
  • Leads to shutting down and shutting out emotionally



  • A leader who constantly reassures themselves that "I'll be fine" might isolate themselves from seeking support or input from others. 
  • This isolation can lead to a lack of perspective and potential blind spots in decision-making.



  • Saying "I'll be fine" can reflect overconfidence, which can be detrimental to leadership.
  • Overly self-assured leaders may not seek advice, explore different perspectives, or engage in self-reflection, potentially leading to poor decision-making.




  • Develop a long term perspective
  • Prioritize self care
  • Find an accountability partner


LIE #2: My family will be fine.


Strained relationship with spouse or partner

  • Feel like you are married to the school
  • Do my actions align with what I say is important to me?
  • Loss of intimacy
  • Double loss. Marital issues cause increased stress at work


Impact on children

  • My daughters: “Dad, when do we get to see you instead of the back of your laptop?”
  • Self esteem: How much do I value my children?
  • Impact on social, emotional, academic lives in and out of school


Loss of support

  • Come home and vent
  • What if your spouse or partner doesn’t want to hear it anymore?
  • Your biggest ally and biggest support system. You neglect them, what do you expect?



  • Setting boundaries between work and home (episode 8 Overcome Burnout With Boundaries
  • Prioritize family time (Device free dinner, attending important events, listening)
  • Perspective: you can get another job, house, car



LIE #3: I can outwork any problem.



  • Constantly working to overcome problems without regard for personal well-being can lead to burnout. 
  • Over time, this can result in physical and emotional exhaustion, reduced job satisfaction, and decreased effectiveness as a leader.


Negative Impact on School Culture

  • An overworked leader may set a negative example for the school community by normalizing excessive work hours. 
  • This can lead to a culture of burnout and overwork among staff and faculty.


Inefficient Use of Resources

  • Relying solely on hard work to overcome problems may lead to inefficient resource allocation. 
  • Lack of delegation
  • A leader may put excessive effort into areas that could be addressed more effectively with strategic planning, collaboration, or resource optimization.
  • Use your team, your admin assistant


Increased Stress and Anxiety

  • Constantly trying to outwork problems can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. 
  • This can have detrimental effects on mental and physical health, as well as job performance.




  • Episode 8 (Overcoming Burnout)
  • Involve others (ANYONE)
  • Think about where this is headed


LIE #4: I guess this is just how it is.


Feelings of hopelessness

  • Can lead to anxiety and depression



  • This mindset can lead to a sense of complacency and stagnation. 
  • The leader may become resigned to the status quo and fail to seek improvements in school operations, teaching methods, or overall performance.


Reduced Motivation

  • Believing that nothing will change can diminish the leader's motivation and enthusiasm.
  • This can impact their ability to inspire and motivate the school's staff and students.



  • Maximize your productivity (Episode 7)
  • Focus on your school 1 year in the future



Big Takeaways:



  • The 4 Biggest Lies That Private School Leaders Believe


  • I’ll be fine.
  • My family will be fine.
  • I can outwork any problem.
  • I guess this is just how it is.

Call to Action


  • CLICK HERE to listen to Episode 8 How to overcome burnout with boundaries)


I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! CLICK HERE to get the guide!!


I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. CLICK HERE to get the guide!


I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. CLICK HERE to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!


I’ve created another FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can CLICK HERE to get “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. Thanks!


If you implement any of these strategies at your school, I would love to hear from you! Send me a quick note at [email protected] and tell me about it. I can answer your questions and I’m also good at giving pep talks when you get stuck!


If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I would love to take my experience and help you to feel less overwhelmed and frustrated or help you have success if you are a brand new leader. I also work with private school leaders who are aspiring Heads of School and want to accelerate their leadership growth or experienced leaders that are moving on to a new school and they want to get off to a great start. If I’m describing you, then CLICK HERE to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.


CLICK HERE for a bunch of free resources, including Plug & Play PD's (video webinars with guided notes) for you to use with your teachers, Top Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books, TED Talks and much more!


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